How Not to Raise a Perfect Child

A perfect child:

* Dresses neatly and practises the violin before breakfast

* Comes top of the class and is captain of everything

* Is unfailingly obedient and sweet-tempered

* Is a perfect credit to its perfect mother

A real child:

* Prefers shoelaces undone and mismatched socks

* Shouts ''Bum!'' at Granny

* Turns breakfast and bedtime into a battleground

* Is the normal offspring of imperfect parents

With...