Sex, Sleep or Scrabble?

What questions would you ask a doctor at a comedy gig?...Is it healthy to sleep with a pet? What are the side effects of budgie-smuggling? Is horse riding riskier that ecstasy? Do love eggs need to be fitted? Do unlucky beds exist? Do doctors ever pretend to hear noises with a stethoscope? Should I hand-wash my merkin? Do you need three hands to put a condom on properly? Is it safe to fall asleep ...