Things Drunk People Say

This is a collection of sometimes crass, always absurd, drunk quotes—ranging from the tipsy:

“What did I tell you my name was?”
“This shot has the faint smell of public restroom.”
“This bar is as hot as uterus!”
“I’m way too broke to be this wasted!”
“Mom! Someone’s fucking in the bathroom again.”
“What? You think the clitoris evolved from nothing?!”
“You suck at drunk sex.”

Quotes were submitted ...